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A Lady Says The Rules She Follows At The Club Tells A Man Plenty About Whom She Is

Dance1_1 The thoughts and opinions written are based upon those of women ages 19-26, mainly from the Tri-State area who party at least 2-3 times per month.

Pump up the volume! Pump up the volume—on your self-monitor, that is! Why should you pay closer attention to what you do, and just as importantly, what you do not do, the next time you go partying? Because lady, you are telling him something, something personal.

Many females, whether they notice or not, follow rules when interacting with the opposite sex at the club. Although rules vary among women, from the free-spirited to the reserved, her behavior reverberates what type of woman she really is, louder than the bass bumping out of the speakers. Every woman needs to set standards, according to female partygoers.

Dance2 No touching, no grinding, no smelling. Um, no short guys! He has to know how to dance. I don’t accept drinks from guys I do not know. Dancing to one song is enough…two tops. Hell no, I do not dance with guys when I go out! The inventory of regulations extends longer than the deejay’s play list.

Basic rules keep women in control of common situations that arise at the club. For some, dancing with a guy for too long gives people the false impression that they are a couple. Ladies counter that notion by quitting after a few songs, on average. Her defense is that she did not come with him and she did not have to dance with him at all. The longer she shares a dance with him, the more he thinks he shares something with her. He becomes annoying, trying to dance with her forever, following her, asking for her telephone number, or thinking he really is her man. In fact, a female who sets time constraints says she waits a comfortable amount of time before enjoying her first dance. Otherwise, a guy assumes she will dance with everybody. She should never let every guy believe he stands a chance with her.

On the other hand, some females would dance with a guy all night if the rhythm were right. Time is irrelevant to her. The only thing she is watching is the interaction she has with him.

Dance4 Whether you dash before the deejay switches the track or “don’t stop ‘til you get enough,” you probably have rules that determine how long — or short — of a time you dance with a guy. Just look over your shoulder to see if he is attractive … a popular determinant, women say. The song is getting longer, isn’t it? Or perhaps he is keeping up with you because he is a good dancer. The next song is “your song,” isn’t it? Not to mention he approached you politely and is making good conversation. To you, it is all-good because you remain in control.

In the undying battle of the sexes, women prefer to maintain the upper hand, recognizing the power that making the final decision affords them. That is why she is offended when a guy ends a dance with her. It could mean either she did not dance well or he was not interested in her. More females prefer to two-step away from a guy on the dance floor so that they control how far the encounter goes. However, some ladies rest assured that it does not matter whom separates first. If a guy stopped dancing first, then maybe it just means she worked him out!

Oh but if she got him worked up, then that sounds like a different tune. Most females agree that they would automatically stop dancing with a guy if they felt his “shlong” (a hard penis) while dancing with him. Furthermore, inappropriate language and touching would result in a shortened dance. In opposition, less reserved females may feel the “shlong” and stick around to enjoy the big surprise.

Dance5 Besides the rise in temperature between bodies, other wild episodes finagle their way into the heated night. For instance, a young woman needed to cool down after dancing with a guy who tried to pick up more than some new moves. He almost dropped her while trying to lift her bottom with his knee.

Females who refuse to dance with guys say it is safer and smarter to socialize with them, not tempt them and possibly suffer any mishaps. They claim guys at the club are fresh and show aggression easily. Many experienced guys cursing them, pulling them by the wrist, or trying to fight them. Sometimes guys disrespect females who they think act too good to participate. 

Most partygoers consume substantial amounts of alcohol, which propels offensive behavior. Accepting a drink from an unfamiliar guy is debatable because he usually believes a woman owes him something, according to female experiences. While many women do not adjust their rules if a guy buys them a drink, a minority of them does feel like they owe him a dance, at least. Consequently, the woman ends up feeling like a cheap buy. The remedy is to tell him he bought a drink; he did not buy you.

In select cases, a guy can get a bargain on a woman’s behalf if she is drunk. Once her better judgment is impaired, her rules deregulate like a free-style battle on the streets. Interestingly, a guy could not get that same woman tomorrow night if she came with her boyfriend. A female admits she is more reserved when accompanied by her significant other, but her behavior mainly depends on the understanding between them.

You can say, to each her own, and that the club is not the place to be reserved, but are others repeating after you in unison? According to females on the scene, women who follow few rules on the dance floor position themselves unfavorably on the virgin/whore dichotomy. Without standards, you appear desperate, loose, and only attract negative attention. People are observing you, especially guys. They watch how you carry yourself, what you wear, your liquor intake, and how you dance in order to assess what type of person you are. Guys study your choices because they came to the club to see how far they can get with you. If he gets far enough, he will tell you exactly what he observed later, females say. It is only imaginable what you did behind closed doors if you previewed so much of it in public.

Whether you are a free spirit living your life to the fullest or a reserved woman going out to have a great time, your experiences have taught you that males will take advantage of you if you provide the opportunity. You follow rules at the club just as you do on the dating scene, and in other aspects of your life. If you did not think you had rules, you just did not realize it or maybe it provides you a hint to ratify some more. So, turn up your self-monitor before your next dance and use these tips to guide you through the night.

  1. People are always watching you, so present yourself in a manner with which you are comfortable.
  2. You have the right to be selective.
  3. Do not change your rules for anyone if you do not want to.
  4. You do not have to dance with a guy because he bought you a drink.
  5. GUYS have rules, too!

Alyssa Roberts


Don Cashew

this sounds this was written by a woman who reach her club peak in the EARLY 90's. because of the changed climate of music, videos and Lil Kim, today chicks expect to feel the sholong. most are offended that you don't have one for them and are quick to call you gay if u don't. Also, if he is buying her a drink and she is not interested in dancing with him, EXACTLY what is he doing it for?????? what is the incentive? what is the reward? this is some take but not give bull!!!


Excellent Article I am very impressed with the turn out..Keep up the good work and Ladies Do remember "People are always watching you, so present yourself in a respectfull manner"


I agree with Don. Drinks are very expensive in the club. Beer is 7-8 dollars, real drinks are 10-12 dollars. Women think they should get free drinks from strangers just because there women. Why would you even take a drink from somebody if your not gonna dance or talk to them. For some guys, offering to buy a drink is a way of breaking the ice when they meet a women. I for one, do not buy girls drinks in the club unless I know them, or unless shes willing to spend some get-to-know me time. Women wonder why guys follow them around the club after buying them a drink. Its because you lead him on. Some women dont know how to accept a drink, thats the problem. You can't take a drink from a man then walk away, that's like taking right out of his pocket. If you don't like what you see, don't take the drink, PERIOD.


I feel Don and Kevs Comment on that whole drink situation. I also feel that article and the tips that women should follow, it will definetely make better communication between the opposite sexes. As for me... I would buy a woman a drink and not expect anything from her but a good conversation. Who knows what can happen in a conversation?....you can see where his/her head's at and if the right words are said then all you need is to make sure your dance game is on point.


I understand and respect the point behind this topic and the audience this needs to be directed to. Some women tend to forget how to be ladies at the club or they never knew how to be a lady to begin with. To be honest this topic goes both ways-as a female I look at the actions of men as well. To see if they are talking to alot of women, disrespecting women or just chilling etc. As a lady I believe you should carry yourself in a respectable manner regardless of what the environment or influences. But let's be real if a man buys you a drink-clearly it's because he is intrigued by you-if you're not intrigued by him then do not entertain him. Some guys do not buy drinks just because he wants victoria to reveal her secrets. I know guys that can hold a good conversation and get the panties off women and not spend a dime.The point that needs to be made is be real about yourself and about what you want. One thing from my mom that speaks volumes-as a woman ask yourself what type of woman do you want to be. If you're a lady act like one with class and if your a gentleman (or as Jay-Z would say it get your grown man on) represent that and represent that at all times not just when you change environments or are under the influence(s). Yes, you are being watched at all times. Nine times out of ten if I've ran into you at the club I will run into you on the streets.


The article is a very good one. It gives good insight on how women who party think. But at the same time It kind of makes us dudes look like monsters. Some of us actually go to the club just to chill. If we pick up a chick then it is wat it is. But she's rite 2 sum degree. We do pay attention to a females behavior. It usually gives us a good idea of wat type of person she is. But then all of this doesnt matter, because alcohol changes everyone's perception. So wat u see is not neccesarily wat u get. Feel me.


This is a old school opinion. Most 40+ women can afford to buy their own drinks and will most often offer a guy a drink. We go out to have fun. We're not interested in grinding, touching, etc. Older women today are financially stable, own homes, have adult children and are looking for companionship. We don't want to take a guy home, we want conversation, dating, getting to know him and his background. A lot of times women who have not accomplished stability and have low self esteem get desperate and settle. Women don't settle, be clear on what you need and what you want. Stop being so desperate.

Young Panama

This is bull! Everybody in the club is looking for something. Ladies be you...if you a freak give your fellow male freaks a preview of your style in the club. You might do some reserve isssh and pull a reserve guy...which you are not feeling. You get what you give out. I do not buy drinks for women because you are so "independent" these days so the bar is right over there ma'. I am grown and have been clubbing since the Tunnel was the place to be on Sundays. I seen fads come and go, but one thing for sure stays the same...everybody in the club is looking for something. Some ladies want ballers, some thugz, some good men, some players, to feel free from their relationship and grind on some new hard penis, one night stand, etc. Be yourself and stop playing games.

PS: I agree with you guys...if you buy a drink and the lady accept, she better pay back with a convo, dance, or better yet next round's on her. Birds will never do the latter! The women I attract would and it ain't game...it's her way of saying lets keep talking and boo a drink ain't nothing.


I have a Queen at home so when Im at the club then I'm looking for 1 of 2 things a freak for the night or a good convo....buying drinks..maybe a round after 20mins of convo but by then i've either asked for your number or did a lil 2step with ya...I agree women buy a man a drink too hey love second rounds on you..you got in free plus don't have any pressure on you

Like Panama said "everybody at the club is looking for something" I hope you ladies aren't at the club looking for your husband..you may find a baby daddy but if you came in a skirt that is as long as my button up and some heels an your twins are out...I don't see a anything past 2weeks in our future..lol


if u cannot afford a drink, don't buy one.it's not the woman's fault you spent your last $10


I've been partying for a solid 10 years. Sometimes 2 and 3 times of week. I go back to when the BlackBox was open in Newark. Let's just say experience is priceless. I've learned not to buy women drinks unless we're already in conversation, this way I don't feel cheated. It's certainly true men watch women to try and get a feel for what type of person she is, at least for the time being. I can spot a "jump off" a mile away based on what she is wearing, how she talks and who she is with. The article was fairly decent. It only reinforced what I already know. One thing I will say is what happens in the club stays in the club. The club is just one big illusion. The guy who spent 150 that night will try and figure out how he will eat for the rest of the week and women will go back to their kids and take off the "give it to me baby" gear and act like they got some sense. Fantasy overids reality on Friday night then reality sets in on Monday morning. PEACE



Sean Felder

C'mon man I'm old school.I've been to clubs since I was 17 years old.Most young women in thier 20's are freaks.If I grind on a pretty,thick one and she feels my hardon,best belive she'll get nasty,horny thoughts.I guarantee you she'll be thinking about fucking if she's ready.Trust me.


I don't feel as though I should get free drinks, but males are still always buying them for me. It's their loss if I barely speak to them and they go and buy me a drink and think I'd be somehow interested.


Lol @ this article. Yes, women should set standards but then at the same time, how can one ask for dudes to be honest but most women are not, especially in the club? There are plenty who go so that a dude can buy them drinks, etc so they wouldn't have to spend their money and get those shoes she saw in the mall earlier. I work as a DJ and a promoter and I know first hand that the majority of what comes out of women too doesn't be the truth. So dudes chooses to just shoot the shit, tell her what she wanna hear, and proceeds from there. If anyone is complaining about what goes on in the club, maybe you should go to more lounging-like places. But reassure this, if that woman doesn't get any play or any attention, her first thought is that the place is lame and/or the dudes are gay. lol The thought of "it's not my night" never crosses her mind. Talk about shallow thinking? lol


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